Meet Me in the Bathroom
by LovelyFlowerAK
Summary: For the love of Merlin he was hopeless. James stood there, panting and sweating and wiping his forehead, in a corridor that was exactly five minutes away from the Heads' Office. The weight of what just happened almost made him sink to the floor. Or that could be the fact that he'd been balancing the body of a seventeen-year-old girl on his leg and between the wall...
1. Chapter 1

_Never was on time_  
 _Yes, I once was mine_  
 _Well, that was long ago_  
 _And darling, I don't mind._

Chapter 1:

For the love of Merlin he was hopeless. James stood there, panting and sweating and wiping his forehead, in a corridor that was exactly five minutes away from the Heads' Office. The weight of what just happened almost made him sink to the floor. Or that could be the fact that he'd been balancing the body of a seventeen-year-old girl on his leg and between the wall about two minutes prior, but who's to say. He thanked whoever was out there that Quidditch had made him strong enough not to drop her, even from shock when she had basically pounced on him. And now she was gone, forcing James to stand here alone and panting, with a stiffy that just _wouldn't_ deflate. And his cloak was upstairs in his dorm, meaning that he'd have to be subjected to unimaginable forms of humiliation if anyone was to stumble upon him in this moment. Just utterly hopeless.

James looked at his watch for the hundredth time in two (now three) minutes since she'd left. He didn't know why _he_ was always the one who had to wait, but she didn't give him much of a choice, did she? Anyway, waiting five minutes to seem inconspicuous was better than not having their little... meetings... at all. At least he told himself as much.

"Fucking finally." James muttered when his trousers had fallen back to their original state. It had passed five minutes, now eight, but he couldn't right walk into the Head's Office and conduct a meeting with _that_ little (well not little, but you get the point) problem, could he? Knowing he was late, and not just late to the meeting but _late_ late, James strode as fast as he could towards the office, praying Evans wouldn't chew him out. Though most of this was her fault anyway. Maybe she'd take pity on him. He doubted it.

"Evening everyone!" He called in his cheeky manner as he entered the room. A couple giggles arose from the group of Prefects who, prior to his interruption, were listening dutifully to Evans as she explained the new bathroom policies. Most of them were girls, a few even waving flirtily. James winked back, knowing it would drive one girl in particular quite insane. Just as he'd predicted, there was a scoff from the front of the room.

"Finally decided to join us Potter?" Evans snarked. "What was the hold-up, couldn't get your hair just right? News flash, it always looks the same: like you just got hit by lightning."

James grinned. She was in rare form tonight. "Oh, you know how it is. The bird I was with just _wouldn't_ let me leave." Snickers from around the room. Only James noticed how the Head Girl's cheeks pinked ever-so-slightly at his remark.

"Poor girl must've come off the wrong end of a Confundus charm." Lily drawled, gesturing for James to join her at the front of the office. James wanted to say something more, but knew when she was done having her buttons pushed. If he kept going he could risk her actually getting angry, and in the past he'd have been fine with that, but now? He'd prefer keeping his witty comments to himself as long as this dynamic between them kept up. Lily put a hand up, shushing the group who'd began to chatter upon James's arrival.

"Okay. Potter, before you so thoughtfully graced us with your presence, we were discussing bathroom schedules." She said, turning back to the group.

"So it's settled that Ravenclaws have the earliest slot this month-"

"We can always share shower time, you know." James said. The group giggled once more, though James noticed a few of the girls who were flirting earlier looked a bit put out. Not that he cared. Oh how he loved the way Evans looked at him then, mouth still open from speaking, eyes narrowing dangerously. James held up his hands in faux innocence.

"Just doing my part to ensure no conflict between our peers."

"Oh I'll give you 'conflict'". Lily growled lowly, and turned back to the group. "Ignore Potter everyone. Seems the bloke _just_ can't keep his head out of his trousers." James shrugged, grinning.

"Alas, it's the cross I have to bear." From that point on Evans ran the rest of the meeting smoothly, not letting James get a word in edgewise. It was probably for the best, all their banter was getting him riled up again. He made the mistake once of looking down at her thighs, creamy and inviting. He saw the faded red imprints of fingernail marks. _His_ marks, from earlier. That almost drove him over the edge.

"...Potter?" His head snapped up at the sound of his name. Twenty pairs of eyes were staring at him, mixtures of amusement and annoyance ranging on their faces. Evans was looking at him expectantly.

"Huh? What?" He asked.

"I said 'is there anything you'd like to add?' Or is your brain still too firmly lodged between your legs to think properly?" Lily asked sweetly. Laughs again. James swore he heard one boy whisper _this has gotta be their best performance yet_ to another student. James was about to counter Evans, never wanting her to get the last word, when something he'd forgotten popped into his head.

"Oh! I _did_ want to say something to the lot of you, yeah." He said, becoming a bit more serious. "So, like, I've been noticing a lot of younger students seem more afraid to walk around by themselves since..." He didn't know how to finish the sentence, but the Prefects got it, nodding in recognition.

"So I think we should offer up a buddy system to them. They can ask any of us, wherever we are, to walk them somewhere and we'll do it. Y'know, make sure they feel safe at school." _Since the rest of the world is such a mess._

There were approving nods from the group. James noticed Snivellus rolling his eyes. Remus, though, flashed him the thumbs up.

"That's actually a good suggestion, James." Evans said quietly next to him. James sucked in a breath, trying to ignore the gymnastics routine his stomach was doing.

"I get those sometimes." He replied, rather hoarsely to his annoyance. Lily looked at him for a moment longer, green eyes seeming to give off electricity. Then she turned back to the group, straightened her posture, and the moment was lost. James tried not to feel too disappointed.

"All right, seems that's the end of tonight." She called. Students shuffled out of their chairs, talking amongst themselves. James scuffed his feet and waited for them all to leave so he and Lily could lock the door behind them.

"You coming Prongs?" Remus asked. James was about to say _yes_ when Lily cut him off.

"Oh, sorry Remus, he's actually got paperwork tonight." She said loudly. Behind his back, where Remus couldn't witness, she brushed her fingers over his arm. James felt tingles race from her touch. He tried not to smile.

"Sorry Moony. Seems we're swamped here. Tell the boys I'll be back in an hour... maybe two." He heard Lily's breath hitch at his words, and now he couldn't help but grin.

Remus looked a bit bemused at their behavior, but merely shrugged. "See you later then."

"Bye!" James called, a bit overeagerly, and nearly shoved his friend out the door. His fingers shook a bit has he locked it behind him.

There was a snort. James looked over to see Lily still standing in the front of the room.

"Just _can't_ wait for that paperwork, huh?" She asked, biting her lip to hide a smile. James just strode over to her, wrapping his arms firmly around her waist. Her eyes widened, cheeks flushing adorably at his closeness. James smirked.

"What can I say? I'm very dedicated to my work as Head Boy." He replied seriously. She giggled.

"Too dedicated to even, say, have a little fun?" She stepped away from him suddenly, undoing a couple buttons on her shirt. James felt his jaw drop as the garment slid off her shoulders. Her bra was white, with little blue polka dots. It was a religious experience, that bra. James's heart was doing funny drumbeats in his chest. He looked down. Yep, the stiffy was back and at full attention. He was, in all senses of the word, gobsmacked. It didn't even register to him that he'd been staring now for an unusually long time.

"I mean." Lily said, breaking his trance. She looked a little embarrassed. "If the paperwork is just _too_ important we don't have-"

"Come here." James gasped, cutting her off and striding towards her to envelop her in his embrace once more.

* * *

 **Note: So, I've started another project. I don't know why I do this to myself, but I can't help it! Anyways, I love James and Lily and I love secret relationships and writing this has been a blast. I know that with THIS story, there can be quicker updates expected (quicker than most of my other stories, that is), since every chapter is gonna be shorter like this one. Also, I'm definitely exploring writing sexy times more with this story than I ever had, but I'm not going to go into graphic details or anything. It's M for a reason, but it's not insanely smutty. So, yeah. Review if you like it!**


	2. Chapter 2

_Oh, baby baby_

 _Won't you turn your head my way?_

Chapter 2:

It was probably the only good thing that had ever started on a Monday. James always maintained a strict opposition of the day in general, as it was the first day of the school week and therefore the most exhausting. Isn't it true, everyone's in a worse mood on a Monday? The food is more bland, the sun isn't as shiny, the jokes fall flat. Homework isn't just hard, but soul-crushing when it's assigned for a Monday night. Really, the day should be nixed from the calendar completely. At least that's what James believes. He never thought he'd be happy after a Monday's events, until that day.

The whole day was pretty typical. Him and Sirius smuggled a Doxy nest into the Slytherin Common room in the morning, he studied with Pete in the afternoon, and he had tea with Remus in the Hospital Wing. They served liver and onions for lunch, his most hated meal. He couldn't tell you what happened in class, as he was either half-asleep from staying up all night with Remus for the full moon the night before, or his attention was completely caught by the sunny red hair of Lily Evans. Sometimes she'd catch him staring, and, like a total dork, he'd jump and direct his gaze somewhere else, ruffling his hair. He was too chicken to look back and gauge her reaction, though once he swore he heard a snicker. He had no idea if that was a good sign or not.

Anyway, the gist of the day was entirely Monday-ish, no hints whatsoever of what was to come that night. At about eight, Lily asked him to meet her in the Heads' Office. He'd gotten a note from Sirius, who'd gotten it from Mary, who'd gotten it from Lily. It was very unassuming, merely saying _Potter, Sorry to bother you so late but I need you in the Heads' Office when you can._ James had assumed another First Year was stuck on the staircases, or some idiot boys had tried to _engorgio_ their peckers again (something he'd spent three hours sorting out two weeks prior as the poor souls begged him not to send them to Madame Pomfrey). Really, he'd been a bit annoyed that he had to leave his spot in his cosy bed where he'd been reading Quidditch magazines to go meet up with Evans. How doltish of him.

When he came into the office it was empty. He frowned, looking around the darkened room, wondering if this was some sort of prank. He _had_ charmed Evans's textbooks to sing whatever was on each page she opened last Wednesday, maybe she was getting him back...?

"Potter." James jumped around to see her unmistakable hourglass silhouette in the doorway. (At least unmistakable to _him,_ he couldn't count the amount of times he'd fantasized about those curves when he was falling asleep.)

"Blimey Evans, you nearly gave me a heart attack." He said, letting his normal grin play loosely on his lips. Her expression was darkened to the point where James couldn't read her face. She waved her wand at the torches on the far side of the room, bathing the office in warm candlelight. Still quiet, she turned and closed the door behind her with a soft _click._ Now James was a bit confused. She sat on top of a desk idly, playing with her hands. James sat too, on the desk next to her.

"What's up with the silence, Evans? Normally you're never one to shut up." He hoped the teasing would elicit _some_ response from her, as her behavior was a bit unnerving. Even if she yelled at him, it would be better than this abnormally stoic Lily. They sat quiet for a moment, Evans seeming to be deep in thought. Then she finally spoke.

"I had a dream about you the other night. Can't get it out of my head." She said softly. James felt his breath hitch.

"Um... Y-you did?" He asked, mouth suddenly dry. Lily nodded, biting her lip. Oh Merlin, that drove him nuts. Sometimes he felt like she _knew_ what it did to him and did it more when he was around specifically to torture him. In his head he was repeating a mantra of _don't read into it, don't read into it..._ It's been a long time since he's let himself have any hope in _that_ department. But what the hell was she getting at, then?

"So, uh, what was it about?" He asked. "Did you finally off me for being too much of a toerag?" _Why would you remind her of your toerag-ness now? When she seems to actually be enjoying your presence? You complete idiot._

To his surprise, Lily laughed. "You haven't been a toerag in a long time, James." _James._ His heart felt like it was trying to strangle itself. "Actually, my dream was a bit embarrassing, really."

James put his hands up in innocence. "You can tell me, I promise I'll only laugh at the _truly_ mortifying parts. After all, we're friends now, right?" Lily looked at him hard for a moment, before a smile tugged on her lips.

"Yeah, I guess we are." She said. "When did that happen?" James shrugged easily but inside he was thrilled. It's true that him and Lily have gotten closer over the past few months with Heads' duties, but they'd never called each other 'friends' out loud, at least to James's knowledge. Really, this was a pretty big milestone. But then James remembered about her dream.

"I know you're just trying to change the subject now." He teased, and Lily's ears went a bit pink, meaning he was dead on. He couldn't stand the thought now of not knowing what this dream was. Almost pleadingly, he said "Come on, I promise I won't tell Sirius no matter _how_ embarrassing it is."

"Oh, you better not." She warned, a fiery spark in her eye for a second. Then she looked away, biting that damn lip again. "So it started with us doing rounds... but we were outside for some reason."

James nodded, hanging on to every word. This dream _had_ to be sort of special if she dragged him down her to tell him about it, right?

"You told me you had a secret spot by the lake where we could look at the moon." She continued, "But I thought you were just trying to get me to go down there to throw me in the water."

"Seems like something I'd do." James said reasonably, and she giggled, but it was a bit shy.

"Well, you know how dreams are, they get all foggy and mussed up, but somehow we got down to the water together. The moon was purple." She laughed slightly, remembering. "Then..." She trailed off, seeming to be unsure. The suspense was surely raising James's blood pressure into dangerous levels, but he let her press on at her own pace, no matter how painfully slow it was. To pass time, he had closed his eyes to get the picture in his head, them two sitting together, his hand on her thigh maybe, her lips on him...

"James, can I ask you something?" His eyes snapped open. Lily was now beet-red, looking terribly embarrassed. It made heat rise to _his_ cheeks. He ruffled his hair.

"Sure, Lily. Anything."

"Are you...?" She looked down, cheeks growing, if possible, even redder. "You know." James frowned, trying to decipher what she was exactly asking, before it clicked.

"Oh! Am I..." _A virgin._ Lily nodded. James felt himself practically vibrating with nerves, as well as something _else_ coming from his lower gut (maybe a lot lower.)

"I... Yeah." James cleared his throat. "I am." Lily's eyes widened a bit.

"Really? Because Katrina said you guys..."

"No!" James almost shouted from his nerves. Lily looked startled, so he clarified. "No, um. We didn't. We were close once but..."

"She didn't want to?" She asked. James paused, positive his face was radiating heat now.

"Actually, well, it was _me._ I didn't, I wasn't... ready. I guess. Yeah." He laughed nervously, trying to break some of the tension. His brain was still stuck about three minutes ago, when she was discussing her dream. Really, it probably would never be able to fully comprehend that he was having a real conversation with Lily Evans about sex.

"That's really kind of the reason we broke up this summer. Part of it, at least." He elaborated. Things with Katrina were fun while they lasted, but in the end he just didn't feel the connection he thought he ought to have with a girlfriend. And then one night he'd gone to her house for dinner and she was there with candles and roses and lacy underwear... the whole lot really... and he just kind of panicked. He chickened out, she thought he didn't want her anymore, they started fighting and she cried a bit and that was about it. It had made him sad back before school had started, but when he walked into the Heads' Compartment that September first to find a freckly redhead as his partner, well. He knew it was the right decision in the end.

"I am too." Lily said softly. James knew that she didn't have more than a few brief boyfriends, and wasn't particularly shocked, yet the effect of this information spoken aloud was immediate. His heart drummed almost audibly in his chest, and he didn't have to look down to know what was going on in his pants. He tried to cross his leg inconspicuously. Never in his life has he felt so flustered, but he attempted to remain nonchalant on the outside.

"Why're you asking me?" He questioned, and then, remembering their earlier conversation, "Does this have something to do with the ending of your aforementioned dream?" He seriously doubted it, but hoped so. Why else would she ask? Instead of answering, Lily took a step got up off of the desk she was sitting on and walked carefully up to him.

"Sort of." She admitted, eyes looking at him a bit hungrily. James held his breath, unable to move, praying for her to close the space between them.

"Really..." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "It ended more like this." And in one second she was in front of him so close that he could count all of the freckles on her face and then she was _too_ close to see because she leaned in and put her lips on his. James reacted slowly, almost unbelievingly, moving his lips with hers. They were soft and slightly chapped and _Lily's._ Her mouth moved carefully, unsurely, but with gaining momentum when he didn't push her away. James realized she was worried _he_ wouldn't kiss _her_ back. To show how insane that notion was, James wrapped his hands around her waist and pulled her closer. She got the hint, and he kissed her deeply, trying to control himself in case she got grips of her sanity and ran away screaming. Because part of him was waiting for her to do just that as they continued to kiss, as his hands moved from her hips to her hair, as his tongue opened the space between their lips and she moaned ever-so-softly, as she tugged his shirt over his head and trailed her fingers down his chest. He kissed her neck and she giggled.

"That tickles" She complained, breathless. James grinned, but kept doing it, making her giggles bubble up from her chest and into his hair. If there was ever a moment that James wanted to relive forever, it would be this.

But, of course, it had to come to an end.

"Shit!" Lily cried. James, afraid he'd done something wrong, jumped back. But she wasn't reprimanding him, merely staring at the clock on the wall.

"I forgot. Dorcas will kill me if I'm late to tutor her again." She said, still breathing heavy. Blood was pounding in James's ears, but he swallowed and nodded. Lily looked at him, and then as if on impulse, reached over and squeezed his hand. Then, it was as if they had just finished discussing rounds. Lily cleared her throat and straightened her skirt and grabbed her bag to leave. She gave James one last glance.

"I'll see you later then?" She asked, hand turning the door handle.

"Um... Alright." James said carefully. But as she turned to leave he couldn't help it.

"Wait!" He called. Lily looked back at him, and she seemed happy he said something.

"What did I... Is this..." He fumbled. Lily giggled at his floundering.

"Should I expect another, er, meeting like this in the future?" James settled on keeping it vague. Hell, he never even expected Evans to want to hold his bloody hand before this. He wouldn't allow his untrustworthy mouth to make her change her mind. Lily, to her credit, was giving him an excellent poker face. But her mouth was turning into a smile. Her shoulders shook. Was she messing with him?

"Is that a 'yes'?" James asked. Lily shook her head _no_ , but she was giving him this goofy grin. His stomach swooped.

"So that's a 'no'?"

Lily laughed. She shook her head _no_ once more. Then she left. And James was left standing there, shirtless and gawking.

He walked back to the Gryffindor Common Room in a daze. _Did that just really happen?_ Part of him was convinced he'd taken a wrong turn to the Heads' Office fallen into some wonderful spell, or an extremely vivid dream. But Lily's hair was on his sweater, and his swollen lips were still tingling. He positively floated through the halls, to the Common Room, up the stairs and to his bed. Sirius and Remus were there, doing homework he probably should be doing, seemingly unaware that the entire world was different. James laid down above his comforter, staring up at the ceiling. Vaguely, he realized he was still wearing a stupid grin on his face. He couldn't tell you how long he laid there staring at his bed hangings and just smiling like an idiot.

"Fuck this essay." Sirius muttered next to him, crinkling up another piece of paper and chucking it on the floor. "Damn Mondays, right Prongs?"

And for once, James couldn't agree.

* * *

 **Note: Is this actually funny, or am I totally missing the mark? I suppose we shall see. Personally, I think this is my favorite story I've written so far, but maybe it's because I actually have about 90% of it mapped out already, where a lot of my stories I kind of create as I go along. Anyways, this is how the secret Jily relationship begins, but how will it end? Stay tuned. Oh, and the quotes are from different songs I like. The first chapter's is from "Meet Me in the Bathroom" by The Strokes (fitting, since it's the title of the story, right?) and this chapter's is from "Dance the Night Away" by Van Halen. I'm trying to find applicable ones to each chapter and use them because it's fun for me. Anyways, hope you all are liking it so far!**


	3. Chapter 3

_Let me satisfy your soul,  
Not a saint but do I have to be?_

Chapter 3:

 _"Another_ hickey Prongs?" Sirius asked, grinning devilishly. James hiked up his collar self-consciously, but it was too late. In the week since the last Prefect's meeting Lily and James had secretly rendesvoused on three other occasions. The frequency of Lily's calling upon him was growing, a fact that made James giddy. Unfortunately, that meant it was harder and harder to hide, especially from the three nosiest bastards on the planet: his friends. Still, thinking of her lips on his neck made the corners of his mouth turn up involuntarily.

"Look at that smile. Whoever this bird is, he's gone for her." Remus observed as if he was looking out the window and reporting the weather.

"Who says it's a girl?" Peter piped in conversationally. "Given that James has disclosed next to nothing about this mysterious suitor, it could be a hippogriff for Merlin's sakes." Remus nodded.

"True, but I think hippogriff hickeys would be a tad bit more violent, don't you Pete?"

"That's enough." James groaned, ruffling his hair. Like Remus could even talk. The boys chuckled at his discomfort. "Why am I friends with you people?"

"Our witty commentary, obviously." Said Sirius, winking. James sighed, but the topic of his so-declared 'suitor' was dropped. For now.

But it never left James's mind, not even for a second. It's been like that since their secret meet-ups had began. When he walks to class, he thinks about Lily. When he picks his nose, he thinks about Lily. When he incites a House Elf food fight in the kitchens that results in three broken rolling pins and a swamp of mashed potatoes covering the floor, he's only thinking about _her._ She's all he ever dreams about. He's lucky he doesn't talk in his sleep like Peter. It was really starting to get on his nerves quite honestly, because he thought he'd been getting _over_ his stupid crush by now. It made James feel like he was fourteen again, full of raging hormones and completely clueless.

"James, you ready?" James's head snapped up. It was Remus, schoolbag slung over his shoulder. Right. They had double Potions at noon, which was in ten minutes.

"See you lucky bastards later." James grumped at Sirius and Peter, who'd both elected out of Potions this year (Peter didn't have the marks; Sirius, the willpower). They gave him lazy waves from their beds.

"We'll think of nicknames to give your secret lover while you're gone!" Sirius called in a sing-song voice. James flipped him off.

Lily was exceptionally weird today in Potions, though she was always mysterious to James. Although, it was probably because of her conversation with Snape.

"You need to add seven strings of unicorn hair, not nine." Sniv had said quietly in her direction. He was sitting at the table next to her, and James had the nasty suspicion he'd chosen it on purpose. Lily had distinctly ignored him, even turning her nose up. After all, she was almost as dramatic as James was, he thought with a smile. But, despite her obvious attempts at ignoring him, the git wouldn't get a hint. When she was cracking her Fire Crab claws, Snape bent over towards her bench.

"Here, let me-"

"I don't need your help, Sev." Lily hissed. Snape didn't back down.

"Come on Lily, I know we aren't friends anymore, but..." He trailed off at her look. James noticed that her knuckles were white around her scalpel.

"Just let me help you!" He pleaded, then, seeming to gather courage, "Let me be there for you."

And now James had just about had enough. His first instinct was to hex the slimy wanker into oblivion. He had a million jinxes ready at the tip of his tongue, but a little voice held him back. A voice saying he was Head Boy now, he was more mature now. So instead of going with his gut reaction, James slid over to Lily's table quickly. Snape glared at him as he neared the two of them.

"Potter, you don't have to get involved." Lily warned under her breath.

"I'm not." James said lowly, "I'm just cracking these claws for you. Then I'll be on my merry way." He set to work on the claws, which had been hard to wrangle for even him. Lily was quiet as he wrestled the metal cracker around the claw. James focused only on the task before him, letting himself look up only once to glare at Snape. The pale boy looked as if James was scum on the bottom of his shoe. Once the claw was cracked, James dripped the sizzling liquid and flesh into Lily's cauldron. Lily was apparently intent on finishing up the written portion of the assignment, ignoring him. Still, James felt an air of gratitude from the redhead next to him.

"Done." He said simply, wheeling his chair back over to his desk. But as he went, he felt a hand slip something small and light into his pocket. James's heart leapt.

His fingers felt around in his robes once he was seated. It was a note. It read _Prefect's Bathroom. Midnight._ In Lily's untidy scrawl. James grinned; it was going to be a long twelve hours.

By dinner time, James head was getting a crick from how much he'd looked down at his watch. He knew it wasn't nearly midnight yet, but he couldn't stop looking, praying that time would move a little faster than normal. This, of course, made the day feel maddeningly slow.

"Someone's eager for tonight." Sirius smirked at him, getting his attention from yet another daydream. James's heart dropped.

"What?" He barked.

"Marauder's Malarkey?" Sirius said, giving him a curious look. "What else would I be talking about?"

So he hadn't somehow figured it out. James was relieved. But, shit! He'd forgotten about Malarky, or that it was tonight, or that anything existed except for Evans's pale freckly legs.

Ok, he could make this work. Most of Marauder's Malarkey was done solo as they hunted for each other, and their stash of gold coins (prizes they'd found on one of their raids of Filch's office), around the castle. It would be too suspicious of him to cancel, they'd been playing Malarkey since Fourth Year, with a winner picked at the end of each term. And they always played on the night of the new moon, when Remus was at his fittest. And James was the holding champion for three terms in a row now, a title he cherished and would defend with all his might. Though, he doubted Evans would think of it that way if he blew her off to play what she would probably consider to be some dumb game. Not that James would even dream of blowing her off and risking throwing away their... whatever this was between them.

He spent the rest of the night figuring out what he should do. Some sort of distraction would be useful, to lead the boys off his scent. They've done it constantly in the past. On fact, last month he'd spent almost his entire night trying to get out of Permanent Sticking Charm that Peter cast on the entire Astronomy Tower floor. It was dead clever of Pete, but Lily was ready to murder someone the next morning when she was responsible for Unsticking an entire group of Hufflepuff Third years on their way to Divination. No, he _definitely_ didn't want to arouse Lily's suspicions. The girl didn't have a stick up her arse like she used to, but she'd probably skin him alive if she figured out _he'd_ made the mess.

So when it got to 10:30, James slid on his Cloak and headed down to the portrait of Inez the Ignoramus. This was where they always met. The game was pretty simple, find others' coins and don't let them take yours. Hide your stash for the night, and set up whatever traps you wish to defend your bounty. James considered setting his traps early, but if he was caught cheating every one of the boys would be at liberty to Tickle Jinx him whenever they pleased the entire week following and he didn't want Evans to think he was a lunatic for laughing hysterically at nothing in the middle of class. Plus they were brutal about it; Sirius once had to be sent to the hospital wing for falling off his broomstick due to excessive laughter.

"Ready for war?" Sirius greeted him casually as James neared their meeting place. Remus wasn't there yet, but Peter was. The sight of him made James stop in his tracks.

"What's with the getup, Pete?" He asked, snickering. Peter had worn what appeared to be almost all of the clothes in all four of their closets combined. He was armored head-to-toe in cable knit sweaters and school robes. On top of his head was James's Quidditch helmet, and a scarf covered his face, only exposing his two watery blue eyes.

"Mmmmufph!" His muffled voice emerged from under the scarf. James cocked an eyebrow.

"Said it was something about the Cornish Pixies Remus set on him last time. And the time last year when I botched those Revealing traps. Didn't want to be caught off guard again."

"Off guard? He probably won't even be able to walk, let alone get snuck up on." James chuckled.

"Humrummmph!" Peter's indignant voice rose from the clothing once more. Probably something about how he'd got James last month.

"So I've been thinking of good names for James's lover." Remus called as he neared them. James rolled his eyes, preparing for the worst.

"Now, since we have next to _no_ information about this suitor, I've decided to keep it general." Remus said seriously. "Shag Monkey sound good to you, James?"

"You're _not_ calling her that." James said firmly, "And we aren't even-"

"Oh, so it _is_ a 'her'!" Sirius shouted delightedly, springing up from his position on the floor.

"Well, since I've only ever shown interest in girls, it's not that hard of a conclusion to jump to." James said, rolling his eyes. Secretly, his mind was thinking of _any_ other topic but this to talk about.

"Remus, why're you late? Not setting up traps early on us are you?" Of course, his best friend shook his head innocently.

"Never. Plus I know the repercussions." He shook himself dramatically.

"LEGrsarterr!" Peter cried. The three boys gave him helpless looks.

"I think he said 'let's get this started.'" Sirius said. Peter simply nodded.

xx xxxx xxx xx xxxxx x x xxx xx xxx xx x xxx xx xx

James was going to be late. He'd spent too much time setting up his traps, then dodging Remus's attempts at ensnaring him in the Great Hall. He'd found Remus's stash for the night, ensconced in the Slytherin hourglass. Remus had gotten them back though, casting _levicorpous_ on James and legging it with the entire hourglass levitated next to him. Now it was quarter after midnight, and James was sure Lily would think he blew her off if he wasn't there soon.

"What about Treacle Tits?" Sirius asked. The git had been following him around for about ten minutes, probably hoping to steal any coins James would happen to find. He'd been passing the time by listing off names that the boys were thinking of calling Lily (not that they knew it was Lily, that was the point, wasn't it?). James had been properly ignoring his friend as he jabbered on, knowing any response to his names would be encouragement for him.

"You know, since you like Treacle Tart so much." Sirius continued, "Bird's bloody tits are probably made of the stuff, seeing how often you're sneaking off to meet her."

James snorted, he couldn't help it.

"Ok, so that makes the list." Sirius said, grinning. James didn't care. They were very close to his first trap, one he set just in case a situation like this arose. They were on the fifth floor, nearing the statue of Boris the Bewildered. It was risky, considering how close the Prefect's bathroom was to here, but James knew that his trap would set anyone who got near it very far back.

"Sugar Butt, Prongsette, Cootie Cutie..."

" _Cootie Cutie?"_ James guffawed, unable to contain himself.

"All girls have them." Sirius nodded sternly. James laughed, but also made sure to watch where he was going. Sirius, still going on about cooties, was now only a meter or so away...

"And the blighters jump. Why do you think girls- AAAAAAAHH!" He cried, and vanished, appearing to fall right through the floor. James smiled, full of satisfaction. Sirius would now be seven floors below in the dungeons, bouncing on a large trampoline James had set up to catch anyone who stumbled upon his trap. James grinned, happy that very complicated piece of magic (the castle did _not_ like to be manipulated) worked so well.

But then he snapped into action, giving the password to the statue, and heading behind it when it opened to reveal the Prefects' bathroom.

"You're late." Lily observed. The bath behind her was filling with large pink bubbles, wisps of steam shrouding her decadently.

"Had a little trouble getting rid of Sirius." James replied casually. "But he had to make an unexpected trip to the dungeons. I'm all yours."

"Now now, we wouldn't want you to get cooties, would we?" Lily said very seriously, green eyes full of laughter. She'd heard. But she didn't seem upset about it, or about James being late, which was a good sign.

"Don't worry." James smirked, ready to show off his Muggle Studies knowledge, "I've been marinated."

Lily looked at him for a long while, incredulity growing. "You mean _vaccinated?"_

 _"_ Whatever." James said, pulling her in for a long kiss. Lily sighed contentedly, but pulled away much too soon for James's liking.

"Aren't we going to take advantage of this lovely bath?" She asked mock-innoncently. "I made it up special for us."

James couldn't believe what he was hearing. Here was this beautiful and absolutely amazing girl, stripping off her sweater, wanting to be _naked_ with him. How'd he get so lucky?

Lily blinked. "Thanks." She said, a bit softly. Fuck.

"Did I say that out loud?" James asked, voice strangled. Lily giggled and nodded, looking shy all of the sudden.

"I feel weird stripping if you're not." She said, breaking the tension. James grinned, thankful the sudden awkwardness had dissipated. He pulled his shirt off his head, and was smacked in the stomach by Lily's pyjama pants. He looked up to find her in her knickers, _just_ her knickers. And that white bra again. Damn, did she _know_ how much that bra drove him crazy? He was almost afraid to see what was under it, as he'd certainly die from the overwhelming beauty of Lily's breasts. Of course, that didn't stop him from striding over quickly and undoing the snaps as fast as his fumbling fingers would allow.

"Someone's eager." Lily murmured, smiling into his neck. The words reminded him of what Sirius said at dinner for a moment, and fear of their discovery flickered in his chest. But why should he be afraid? His friends would probably be over the moon to find out who his "Treacle Tits" actually was. Maybe it was because he had no idea how Lily would react.

 _Don't think about it._ James scolded himself. He tried not to read in to anything they were doing together. He distracted himself by focusing on that bra again. Shit, these things were hard to get off.

"It's not rocket science, James." Lily giggled, and began trailing hot kisses down his neck.

"It is when you're doing _that_." James said, a bit embarrassed by how breathless his voice sounded. Lily stepped away suddenly, the absence of her heat a bit shocking, green eyes locked on James's. Without trouble, she swiftly undid her bra from behind, letting the piece of clothing fall to the floor. James felt his heart actually _stop._

A muffled voice came from outside. James whipped his head around, fearing the worse.

"Prongs, I know you're in there!" Remus's voice came, most likely from down the hall. His stomach dropped.

"Fuck! Why's Remus up? He doesn't have rounds, I didn't schedule anyone after eleven tonight!" Lily was whispering unhappily from behind him. He turned to find her picking up her clothes at lightning speed, a terrified expression of one afraid of being caught on her face.

"No idea." James lied, helping her.

"He knows you're in here too. _Why_ does he know that? Did you tell him?" Lily accused.

"Of course not!" James snapped. "I'd only tell someone if you said it was okay." He thought she thought better of him.

"Right. Sorry." Lily said softly, but then her voice got very firm. "He _can't_ know I'm in here with you, James."

"Why not?" James asked, unable to contain himself, "Remus's slept with half the girls in our class, he won't care-"

"It would be mortifying!" Lily whisper-shouted. James heard his friend's footsteps near, he was probably outside the statue of Boris the Bewildered by now.

"To find me like this... And you know how the school gossips..." Lily was saying. "James, _please_ I don't want anyone to know about this, help..."

James hadn't seen her so distraught in a long time. Though his heart twisted unpleasantly at her words, he couldn't help but take pity on her.

"Of course." He murmured roughly. But how was he to help? Remus would be in any second, and there wasn't much places to hide in a bathroom that consisted almost exclusively of a large tub...

James knew what he had to do. He looked at Lily. He heard the knob to the door turn. Oh, she was going to kill him.

"Well, I guess this is happening." He said to himself. Lily had only a second to look confused before he pushed her firmly into the tub. She squeaked in surprise as she hurtled into the soapy water. There was a _splash,_ but it was quiet enough with the water running that Remus probably didn't hear.

"James?" He whipped around at his name. Remus was walking in, looking incredibly confused.

"What?" He asked innocently. Though he knew how suspicious and ridiculous he looked, just standing there shirtless and running a bath in the middle of their game.

"Sirius said you trapped him up on Fifth..." Remus trailed. "You know using Prefects-only places is cheating so I thought..."

"Right!" James shouted, realizing this was the _perfect_ alibi, "Which is what I thought _you_ would do. Put the hourglass in the bath."

"So you decided to run the water?" Remus supplied, still unconvinced.

"Well I thought it would only _appear_ if I did that, you know, like magic..." James said, knowing his excuses were getting thinner and thinner.

"Okay, I guess..." Remus said slowly. James realized now that if unless Lily was actually a mermaid, she'd have to resurface soon for some air.

"I think I saw Peter by the kitchens earlier, want to team up on the bastard?" He asked loudly. Remus, still confused, nodded slowly.

"Sure." He said, looking as if James was a lunatic.

"Let's go then! The game'll be over for tonight soon!" James cried, peddling his friend out of view of the bath. Though one wouldn't hear if they weren't paying attention, there was a distinct sound of a girl emerging from the water and gasping for breath only moments later.

* * *

 **Note: Okay so this ended up being a LOT longer than I expected, which explains the slightly longer amount of time between posting chapters. Also, I love the vaccinate/marinate joke, so I don't even care if it's stupid. I know this is pretty corny, but it was super fun to write. Hope you guys liked the view into Marauder silliness! Reviews are helpful and nice :)**


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